My challenge: describe each major (or not so major) presidential candidate in three words. Let’s go.
Jeb Bush: Jeb! Jeb. George…?
Donald Trump: Rich. Orange. Wall.
Ben Carson: blacker surgeon Trump
Chris Christie: chub a lub
Ted Cruz: despicable because smart
Carly Fiorina: nice face, loser (read in Trump voice)
Rick Santorum: If you squint, looks just like Mitt Romney!
Marco Rubio: Latino+Floridian=votes
Rand Paul: 90s Justin Timberlake
George Pataki: Shitake mushrooms? No?
John Kasich: too moderate to run
Bobby Jindal: the electoral joke
Mike Huckabee: global warming fake
Lindsey Graham: is not a woman
Jim Gilmore: Who? What? Who?
Lincoln Chafee: Who? What? Who?
Hillary Clinton: what emails what who said that
Lawrence Lessig: apparently is running
Martin O’Malley: I don’t know
Bernie Sanders: hipster living in an old man’s body
Jim Webb: this may be your biggest form of publicity, so you’re welcome.
Joe Biden: What’s going on?
Well, this has been a fun little exercise. Sorry, I just couldn’t keep it to three words in some cases (@Rick Santorum, you Mitt Romney clone). Please note, I’ve attempted to bash both sides equally here, gotta spread the love.